..:: 2016 ::..
U N P R E T T Y
*Cue Ignition* Now usually I don’t do this but uhhh….
On a serious note, unlike everyone else that shares paragraphs and paragraphs of their year lessons and experiences, I’ve never had anything valuable to say about mine. Evidently, this year changed that so lemme get right to it.
If I were to choose a theme song that could summarize what the last couple of years have felt like it would be (yup, you guessed it!) Unpretty by TLC. Though it speaks mainly of our exterior (predominantly of women not feeling beautiful enough due to all the pressure to succumb to the standards of society), I believe it can apply to our inner being as well. Furthermore, the message behind it could apply to anyone that feels “not good enough” or “out of place”, not just women.
The past couple of years have been a build up of what this year has officially taught me and I’ve began to embrace: to stay true to myself, in every area of my life. Whether it be at work, if I’m surrounded by a group of people I don’t know, when I choreograph something, when I post on social media, ANYTHING! It’s no secret that we live in a generation where society has shaped so much of how we “ought to live”. What’s the “right and wrong” way. What’s “attractive” and what’s “not”. What’s “worth” posting and what’s “not”. For a long, long time I’ve struggled with accepting who I am completely, inside and out. I went through phases of trying to adjust my weight to suit everyone else. I’ve often felt like I’m boring because I don’t enjoy getting out as much as everyone my age is “suppose to”. I’ve given in to unnecessary pressure to do things I don’t like or that make me uncomfortable. I’ve craved unhealthy attention from the opposite sex so much because I could never look in the mirror and see my own beauty. I’ve constantly tried to change myself to suit other people or make myself more “beautiful” and less “unpretty”.
It’s taken me a total of 13 years (no joke) to get passed all these struggles, and I’ve finally reached a place where I can shamelessly say, “this is ME and I love ME, take it or leave it”, and I know I’m not the only one that’s been through these type of self-love battles. It saddens me that we live in a world where people (sometimes even those closest to you) can so easily misjudge you or get offended by certain traits that you hold just because they’re different to their own. Unfortunately, that’s something you can’t control. You just have to remember that oftentimes people’s behaviour and the assumptions and conclusions they draw are often a reflection of themselves, not you, your personality or character (read number 2 of The Four Agreements).
I got to a point where I became completely fed up with trying to adjust my personality, preferences and appearance to better suit people. It’s exhausting. It’s fake. It’s unattractive. It’s a waste of time. It’s unnatural. It doesn’t feel good. It’s sad. It’s shameful. It’s painful. It’s dishonest. It’s suicidal. It’s unpretty. It’s a forceful enemy of self-love and inner-peace. I really pray anyone going through something similar would learn to block out all the noise from social media, people and society and start to fall in love with themselves more and more every day.
These are a number of things I’ve come to appreciate, accept and love about myself. Each one of these represent ways I’ve been misunderstood or criticized (by others and/or myself):
- I’m an imperfect Christian.
- I’m naturally quiet around people I don’t know.
- I’m an introvert.
- Staying at home and reading a book, watching a series, playing video games or dissecting rap lyrics while everyone else parties the night away doesn’t bother me AT ALL. In fact, 99% of the time, I find it a lot more entertaining.
- I rarely know how to explain myself (or anything for that matter, everything is clogged up in my mind but as soon as I open my mouth to speak I can’t find the words).
- I love my brown chocolate skin, big eyes and big two front teeth.
- I don’t like to post or share every detail of my life, I prefer to keep the majority of it private.
- I find gossip/never ending conversations about other people mentally unstimulating and a waste of time.
- I forgive easily.
- I love HARD.
- I don’t find pleasure in being in a relationship just for fun.
- My tears aren’t always a reflection of hurt or sadness. I could be frustrated, angry, overjoyed, overwhelmed, beat, whatever.
- I always try not to judge people so harshly. I firmly believe there’s always something that happened in someone’s life or upbringing that influenced the person they turned into. No one’s born as a horrible person, a cheater, a hater of other races, religions, ethnicity, sex, or just plain nasty and rude. Everyone has a past and everyone has the power to overcome the mental chains that they’re enslaved to. It’s simply a matter of choice.
- I’m a sucker for my own company.
- I only dream of things (and actually believe they’ll come true) that people would consider impossible or ridiculous.
- I love observing and listening 1000 times more than I do talking.
What are some of the things you’ve had to accept about yourself that you’ve often been judged about? Don’t ever let the noise make you think there’s something wrong with you. Love who you are!! It’s beyond liberating. And if you lose people in the midst of it, it’ll hurt and it’ll suck SO bad! But there’s nothing better than knowing that the people who stay right by your side are the ones that truly accept and love you for who you are.
As I sign out for the year I’d like to wish you all a fabulous start to 2017! Be safe! Catch you guys on the flip-side
Thank you for reading!
Also read: Who Told You That?